Friday, July 13, 2012

"I could never make him love me"

http://frankocean.tumblr.com/post/26473798723


On the 4th of July Frank Ocean, one of the most talented singer-songwriters of our generation, opened up to the world about his sexuality. For those who haven’t heard about it or seen the post, he released a tense journal entry that explains how his first love was a man. This was a week before he released his fantastic new album. Publicity stunt or not, it was a brave revelation to a scary and homophobic world.

What impresses me most about this “coming out” is that it is impossible to turn it into a Hollywood Extra sound byte: “FRANK OCEAN, GAY,” because that’s not what his story is saying. It is a glimpse into an exploration of feelings, fears, love and sexuality. We love to pigeonhole people into our premade and prepackaged categories (gay, straight, bisexual). We don’t allow ourselves to investigate and understand our wants and desires, our hearts. We feel uneasy and ashamed when we admit to ourselves an attraction that isn’t understood or accepted by society (or by the ones closest to us). 

Listening to Channel Orange, the new album, in conjunction with reading Frank’s post and working through my current emotional state of insecurity and confusion, has reminded me that finding a way to express yourself and connect with your emotions is an important exercise. Especially when you’re at your lowest, when things are at their worst. When beauty loses it’s effect and colors aren’t as bright.

So, I write in solidarity with Frank today. I understand how hard it is to lay out your fears and your heartache, to not keep them locked up and away from everyone you know and love. I consider this blog and the songs that I occasionally post revelations similar to the one Frank posted. Welcome to show and tell.

As I said in my last post, the time I’m spending in Egypt hasn’t been the easiest. I’ve been torn up and thrown away, picked up and moved to an unfamiliar place, trapped and forced to deal with a broken heart that hasn’t even finished breaking, all without the help of my loved ones. However, since the last time I posted, a barren desert landscape is no longer the only thing that has struck my attention and demanded my recognition. Frank Ocean now has, too. His bravery, and his talent, is an inspiration. Beauty is slowly working its way back into my life, and that makes me optimistic about my future here in Egypt and excited for what I’ll discover. What I’ll learn about my world and myself. What I'll create. Hope this one doesn’t make you guys worry as much as the last one might have <3.

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